5:04 a.m. - 2007-03-24
inscribing the monument
Every year I try to do something I've always wanted to do but never had the guts, drive, ability etc.(pick a word) to do. As the years go by one seems to be becoming more and more remote. This is the running of a marathon. At this point running wouldn't be a realistic option anymore. A jogging stagger for 26.2 miles would be something of a miracle. So in a moment of semi-intoxicated fantasy I signed up to run one in the fall.
Now I haven't run more than a mile at one time in my life. This was done 4 times in high school. In fact once every year in p.e. class we were forced to run a mile for time. Every year I fell across the finish line in about 6 and 1/2 minutes in a dead faint on the verge of puking my guts out. My back is not in great shape and I must have some sort of pinched nerve because I sometimes lose feeling in my toes depending on how I stand. My left knee has some freakish thing going on with it that makes it feel as if its permanently hyperextended. I used to get this felling in it if I rode my bicycle for more than 15 miles at a time. Now it's with me all the time. My left foot doesn't strike the ground correctly anymore. My arches are breaking down and I've got a varicose vein thing becoming apparent in my left calf. Having typed this I'm wonder if I wouldn't be better off losing the left leg below the knee. We won't do that just yet!
From everything I've read about marathoning, it takes somebody pretty dedicated to not just exercise but routine and diet as well. You almost have to be obsessed with the whole training regimen.
This again doesn't bode well for me as I'm probably one of the top 5 laziest fucks on the planet.
I thought it would be interesting to blog this process for a couple reasons. Firstly for myself to look back upon to gauge where I've come from to where I'm going. Secondly as a "how to" for someone with ZERO business running a marathon might actually be able to complete one with the LEAST amount of training possible. I have however been reluctant to put it on print as it may end up as a monument to a failed fantasy.
I guess I'll dispense with this last fear first. It really doesn't matter if I fail or not, but if I don't at least give it shot it'll piss me off til the last time my bedpan gets emptied.
The legs and feet should tolerate more with a little less weight. To that end I cut sugar out of my diet about 3 weeks ago and have also tried to cut down on the fats. I'm not a complete nut about this as I'm making Sunday a day of rest on diet. It'll be my binge day if I need it. It's just too difficult for a slacker like me to do anything full bore. My official weigh in at that time was 183.5 lbs. Ideally I'd be down in the 150 to 155 range by the run. (hey, it could happen) I've got a physical scheduled for the 27th to hopefully get the ball rolling on some answers to my leg and foot and get cleared for the severe cardio work I'll be doing. At any rate, this will serve as my formal declaration. Inscribe the monument to my impending failure: "I declare!" With that I fling myself off the cliff with maniacal intent. oooooooo, this is gonna be sweet!
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